You're Going to Have a New Baby Brother

When you are expecting, people love to talk about the baby and even unknowingly or unintentionally, your first -born can start to feel left out. When you look at it from his point of view, "they used to think I was so cute and now all I hear about is this new baby, he's sure taking up my time with mom and dad", so it's easy for him to feel a bit resentful.

To help him get used to the idea of a new baby joining the family, talk to your child for the new baby. "You are going to be the best big brother, Austin. Your baby brother is really going to love you",etc. When you include him in the journey he still gets positive attention from you and the new baby becomes less threatening from his standpoint.

When you bring baby home. Keep talking for the baby. Say things like, "look, here's your big brother, oh you want to tell him you love him and you want a hug?" Show Austin how to gently and safely hug his brother and let him help with caring for baby when he wants to.

Continually practice and role model the behaviour you want him to show his baby brother - praise and thank when he does it well. If he pokes or pulls too hard and baby cries, say "oh, baby got scared, see you have to be gentle." and show Austin again how to be gentle.

When people are around, talk about what a wonderful big brother baby has and include Austin as much as he wants. But also give him some alone time with mom and dad too (while baby is sleeping). Try not to get upset with any jealousy, just keep reinforcing and praising the positive things he does. Let him know he's helping with baby.

If you're busy with Austin and baby starts to cry, say out loud "It's okay, we're here, as soon as I finish pouring Austin some juice, I'll come and pick you up". If you do have to interrupt time with your older child to tend to the baby - explain and thank him for being patient with his baby brother. This way your older child knows his needs are still just as important as the baby.



Sam Rafoss, RSW - September 2005